The curser blinked before my eyes and the dreaded “send” button was only inches away from it. I’d read that email again and again. Imagining myself as the recipient, trying to predict how they would respond. I edited. And edited to the point of obsession. Butterflies swirled inside my stomach. Fear.
On the other side of that send button lies the possibility of having my dream realized. However, there also lies the possibility of rejection. What would it be? I prayed and believed in the pit of my stomach (somewhere underneath the butterflies) this was something I was meant to do. It had been confirmed over and over throughout the writing process, especially at times when I felt discouraged.
The question remains, why? Why am I meant to do this? Is it for my intended purpose, to spread love, hope, kindness, and encouragement to moms who doubt themselves as mothers? Will the work I’ve put in pay off in the way that I’ve meant for it to? Will the message reach moms who need it? Or was this whole experience meant to grow me and shape my character somehow? Am I being held to the flame?
I believe it’s both. But to what degree and what end?
If I reach one mom, wouldn’t that be worth the effort? Can I continue to trust? Would that be well with my soul? If I reach hundreds or thousands of moms, would I be hungry for more? Would I be honoring God or seeking recognition for myself?
I pray that I will diligently check my heart for impure motivations. That the work done is done to honor God and to encourage others. That I’m not seeking the approval of men.
Dare to Dream
I know it’s something that I’m called to do and even though I have no clue what the outcome will be, I know I can’t let fear stop me from answering this call.
I took a deep breath and hit the “send” button. Then I did it again. And again. And again, daring to dream and reaching out for help making the dream a reality. The more times I hit the send button, the easier it got. Again and again.
Some yeses came back and some nos with good reason. But along with that, I was notified that one of the articles that are included in the eBook was accepted for publication on a major website. It may or may not actually get published there now that I’ve disclosed that it’s included in the eBook, BUT it’s confirmation that the message is good and I can’t let any “nos” discourage me.
Dream on the edge of fear and punch fear in the face. Hit the “send” button on your God given dreams.
God has me and He has this, no matter what the outcome.
“When I’m standing on the mountain: I didn’t get there on my own.
When I’m walking through the Valley: I am not alone.”
– Hills and Valleys (Tauren Wells)